What are you afraid of? Fear of failure or fear of success.

What are you afraid of? Fear of failure or fear of success.

I wrote the original version of this post 5 or 6 years ago and it is still just as relevant today.

I often come across and work with people who are not achieving what they set out to achieve. And people who become very down on themselves (or others!), negative or frustrated, or just simply give up. I’m sure we all have times when we feel this way, or am I the only one?

This is particularly prevalent in the Network Marketing sector where, success ‘appears’ to be ‘easier’ than in a traditional business environment. Or more accurately, by it’s nature – a people business – the volume of people who are involved and go through the process is high and the simplicity of the Network Marketing business building model can mask the challenges and personal growth curve, until someway along the path.

There are lots of reasons why we don’t achieve what we set out to and what I hear quite often is that people are afraid of failure: Afraid of making a mistake; afraid of saying the wrong thing; afraid of what others will think of them; afraid of making the changes they need to in their life, to make the difference; afraid they don’t know enough +++

Fear is a huge thing and every one of us experiences it at some point in our lives. There are plenty of books on the subject including, of course “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers.

The first step to take is to understand what FEAR stands for:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

This gives us the opportunity to question and unpick what we are afraid of and when we do, the conclusion is usually that there isn’t really anything to fear or that the fear can easily be rectified. For example, when I ask people to name 3 Fears that they feel are holding them back, it often doesn’t take much analysis before the Fear they have identified is easily diffused. A discussion very quickly brings a simple solution, pretty much every time. It’s mostly about rethinking the problem. Experience also shows us that when we confront our fear then the fear dissipates very quickly and is nowhere near as bad as we’d built it up to be.

Even with this knowledge, I’m very interested in how so many people who have such wonderful goals and achievable dreams – and the means to get there at their fingertips – allow fear of failure to hold them back, when in fact success is only achieved through failure. Yes, failure is part of success, not the reverse of it. As adults we have all had first hand experience of this: nobody goes from crawling as a baby to walking without falling down, crying a bit and getting back up again…over and over… failing over and over until we can walk, run, play sport, and so on. The real challenge may well be that we are actually too familiar with failure so it’s easy to sit back and be comfortable in our discomfort – we’ve been here plenty of times before. So fear of failure is more ‘comfortable’ and familiar enough that it’s somewhere we can stay, forever if we wish.

This is the place of comfortable discomfort where we fall back to when the goal or action is perceived to be too big or the changes needed, too overwhelming. However, when we understand that any big changes are made from lots of small insignificant steps taken daily, this gives us our power back. Think about weight gain or weight loss. You don’t just wake up one morning and you’ve put on 2 stone! The small changes you’ve made gradually, to your activity levels, your food and alcohol choices every day. The ones you haven’t really noticed because they were so insignificant that made daily have added on the pounds over several months or years. Reverse that for weight loss… Just by making a few changes, or taking just a few simple steps daily you can achieve all that you want no matter how big. Two books I love on this subject are ‘The Slight Edge’ Jeff Olson and‘The Compound Effect’ Darren Hardy.

But here’s the rub…If we can overcome our fear of failure relatively simply by taking small steps or rethinking it, why do so few people STILL find achievement of their goals so elusive and still seem FEARful in their demeanor.

Several years ago I came across a poem. A poem that changed my perspective on fear of failure so completely and profoundly that it changed how I work with people.

Many of you may well know the poem  by Marianne Williamson (and just for info I’m not religious) but this blew me away…

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?  
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.  
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.  
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone.  
And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.  

How does this resonate with you?

It is not fear of failure that holds people back… it is fear of Success, the power within us.

This made much more sense at a much deeper level than the fear of failure.

It’s not surprising that we are afraid of success. The experience of being successful is not always a positive one and we are taught this from childhood. If you were bright at school and top of the class you were also likely to have been the least popular child and possibly bullied or called names. In the work place being good at your job and acheiving your targets would lead to your targets being increased year on year, and your hours, until exhaustion or disillusionment set in, or very likely redundancy…  Our wonderful media loves to put successful people up on a pedastal and then look for the skeleton in the cupboard or paparazzi photo to bring them crashing down (Even though we are all human and all have our own skeleton’s). It’s not therefore a surprise that people even at a superficial level, shy away from and are afarid of success.

Success ifself means different things to different people and whilst that discussion is outside the scope of this post, it is important to understand that defining what success means to you is integral to facing the FEAR.

Whatever success does mean to you, to achieve it you will have to do things differently –

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” Henry Ford

To think otherwise is delusional and a sign of madness!  And people often struggle with doing things differently, particularly consistently. Why? Because we don’t really like change, especially if it requires stepping outside our comfort zone and putting consistent and persistent effort in.  Yes, Success comes with a cost.

For success to happen not only do we have to do things differently we have to change who we do it with…  surround ourselves with other successful people who will support and teach us and definitely challenge us (Ouch!).

And then we have to deal with all those people around us we think should believe in us and support us and who we find prefer to knock us down or dimiss our new ways (I looked at this a bit more here in my last post  “Why do we support celebrities we don’t know but not our families and friends “)

But who are we to not fulfil our potential? How does that serve anyone? 

Have you ever been told by someone that what you said to them changed their life in some way for the better (even if you have no recollection of the detail of the conversation, or even the conversation or the person at all)? We all have that power within us. You have the power in YOU. Who are you not to fulfil your potential?

So, how does this resonate with you – is it fear of failure or fear of Success that is holding you back? By understanding which of these it is we can then start to make the small steps needed, deal with those self-limiting beliefs and get stuck in. Accepting along the way that it is the human condition to be a “work in progress”, and we don’t need to look left or right for this journey we just need to look inwards.

Michelle Turner-Davidson is a speaker, trainer and mentor specialising in developing people and teams and taking the fear, hype and struggle out of network marketing. 

To find out how Michelle can help you, or if anything in this article resonates with you, do get in touch. You can fill out the comments below, email her at michelle@laterthanyouthink.co.uk or connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter @MichTD,  Facebook  or check out the rest of this website MichelleTurnerDavidson.com 

How to stand out in a crowded Network Marketing market

How to stand out in a crowded Network Marketing market

Following on from my last post  “Selling… are Network Marketers still getting it wrong?”  it struck me that, whilst I had a considerable and very positive response to the article, from that moment on every where I looked there were posts and adverts and sponsored posts (particularly on facebook) coming at me from every angle. Content marketing for network marketers, online marketing for network marketers, heart-centred marketing for network marketers, e-courses, e-books, etc etc

And I have to say my heart sunk.

It isn’t enough anymore to know what you have to do. It isn’t enough anymore to do what you know. It isn’t enough anymore to be ahead of the trend. Because, in an instant EVERYONE is doing it. EVERYONE is talking about it and EVERYONE is riding the same trend.

Well that’s how it seems.

I appreciate that the reality is probably quite different. However, it means that the choice for people is huge. And overwhelming.

So how do we survive and thrive in a crowded market?

Of course, if you are one of the hardened folk who are very good at ‘doing it anyway’ then well, you’ll just do it. You won’t be distracted by anyone else.

But what about those who don’t have the hard nosed qualities? Haven’t developed such thick skins or precision focus.

It comes straight back to the one USP that only you have. And that’s YOU.

Whether it’s attracting the masses or working more on a personal level with people. The only sustainable approach for the majority of people is by holding on tight to who they are. Sharing this with the world, through your content and your approach – it’s a natural and effective way for people to make a proactive choice about whether they could work with you or buy from you.

I may sound a little old fashioned here. There are many network marketers following the online and digital approaches to generate 100’s and 1000’s of leads a month – and many will have success with that. That’s a numbers game.

For the vast majority of people I come across in network marketing though, the human connection element is still important. And for those people the one thing they do have control over, is who they are and how they get their voice and brand out there.

For certain, in this huge ‘viral in a day’ world, whether we create a system to attract 100’s or 1000’s of leads or we simply keep ‘talking’ and connecting with others – our network and our network’s network will mean that success is inevitable.

So join me in talking and being you. And let’s all stand out in the crowd.

PS watch out for my video series coming soon with thanks to Mark Harman and Redbook Productions.

Michelle Turner-Davidson is a speaker, trainer and mentor specialising in developing people and teams and taking the fear, hype and struggle out of network marketing. 

To find out how Michelle can help you, or if anything in this article resonates with you, do get in touch. You can fill out the comments below, email her at michelle@laterthanyouthink.co.uk or connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter @MichTD,  Facebook  or check out the rest of this website MichelleTurnerDavidson.com 

 

Don’t let the sun go down on me…

Don’t let the sun go down on me…

If you are like many people who start in Network Marketing to build a business or gain an extra income to improve  life in some way but have struggled to do what you set out to do. Don’t let the sun go down on you or your dreams … connect with me and let’s watch the sun rise.

“We all have the power to be happy under all circumstances” – Is this really true, or even healthy?

“We all have the power to be happy under all circumstances” – Is this really true, or even healthy?

Is this really true in all circumstances?

Indeed, does it suggest that being happy in all circumstances is what we should be striving for … OR just that we always have a choice?

This idea that ‘happiness’ (or positivity) is the ultimate emotion and one we should all feel or strive to feel constantly is why so many people are unhappy. As humans we have a range of emotions and they are there to give us a vast range of information about how something is affecting us, the good the bad and the ugly. That information goes on to inform our responses. Sometimes it triggers responses we don’t expect. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the power of the response (and that can be scary). Happiness is only one emotion. or range emotions on a continuum. We need all our emotions to function fully as human beings. The more we understnad our responses and triggers we can work out if it is helpful to hold on to the emotion, or whether it results in inappropriate or extreme actions. But this idea that happiness is the be all and end all sets people up to feel like failures for being human.

To feel guilt for a natural response that is deemed negative or for being unhappy.

If we accept every emotion as it happens and only examine it deeply if we are stuck in it or our response seems inappropriate (there will be a reason or many reasons) then we’d find our emotions move on naturally very quickly. The more ‘negative’ emotions are there for a reason and without them we wouldn’t survive, or grow. The state of happiness is wonderful and relatively momentary. To stay there is bland and dulls our perceptions of what is really happening and who we are as human beings.

Are you a human being or a human doing (it takes a lot of doing if you’re constantly striving for happiness)

(Thank you to Byron Katie – thought provoking as always – even if my thoughts in this article may be along a different line to the premise of her words…) 

Michelle Turner-Davidson is a speaker, trainer and mentor specialising in developing people and teams and taking the fear, hype and struggle out of network marketing. 

To find out how Michelle can help you, or if anything in this article resonates with you, do get in touch. You can fill out the comments below, email her at michelle@laterthanyouthink.co.uk or connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter @MichTD,  Facebook  or check out the rest of this website MichelleTurnerDavidson.com 

Duplication: The Success and Failure of Network Marketing

Duplication: The Success and Failure of Network Marketing

There are lots of reasons why duplication is deemed essential to building a network marketing business. It simplifies things, it gives a proven path to follow, if you do it then your team members will do it – and if it’s already being done by teams every where then you can access plenty of readily available training and material ++++ Duplication absolutely works!!!

As long as you fit the mould …

Let’s start at the beginning. Network marketing businesses are based on volume and the principle that we need to get products (or services) out to as many people as possible by developing teams who do the same thing. The thing that is often missed, or misunderstood, or even mis-marketed is that there are no absolute rules about how this is achieved. Only the principles that in order to achieve success we need to build a structure that maximises the volume or productivity. The amount you get paid is based on the productivity of your organisation / team and yourself.

So, our job is to ensure that the people who want to make this method of working (network marketing) a success for themselves (which ultimately affects the productivity of our organisation) should be shown a way that works for THEM … whilst still focusing on the principles of network marketing. There are obviously some very strongly accepted practices that work… and if these work for you – keep going!! However in my experience (12 years now) they don’t work for everyone and for some people they become quite destructive and certainly don’t lead to success – quite the opposite.

For all the fabulous successes we are seeing (and we are!) when the approach is so formulaic, then there are also a vast number of casualties. And burn out! Success isn’t always as transparent as it appears either, so for those people who are doing everything right but not appearing to have the speed or level of success they see others achieving, it can be a real struggle to work out why. When I started my network marketing business 12 years ago I already had a large network and was a trainer and lecturer. My skills for developing networks, presenting and using social media back then weren’t acknowledged – I hated (and still do) the telephone – but could connect with and present to any number of people and was ahead of the game with social media. I was very used to stepping out of my comfort zone and went to every training possible, yet because I struggled to make calls every day – I didn’t fit the formula. Today it is expected that everyone uses social media – although that’s a whole other discussion…

Not only did I find using the phone a huge challenge, in my company we were taught to run product and business launches regularly and as an integral part of every new team members business. I never liked doing launches – why? Because I have never enjoyed those sorts of events in my own circle. So, when you are battling with people’s judgement about your business being ‘partyplan’ (which it isn’t) and then invite people along to a ‘party’ – no matter how you dress it up, it looks like partyplan. When you say to people that they don’t have to buy, it’s an infomation event and there’s no pressure but yet you are waiting to get the orders and see how many sales you’ve made (and your upline is leaning over you waiting to find out too…) and following people up after etc. etc. Then it IS partyplan and it IS selling. And that’s GREAT if you like it and your circle of connections do – but if you don’t and they don’t, well…

So does this mean that if you don’t, you are doing it wrong and can’t build a successful business? What turned the corner for me was  a year or so in when I discovered that there were some very successful network marketers in my company who didn’t do product launches…  For me, duplication needs to work for EVERYONE who is involved – isn’t that what we say – network marketing is open to everyone and anyone who wants to improve or change their lives in some way. Not just everyone and anyone who ‘fits the mould’, or those who are prepared to break their backs conforming until they burn out or break up.

So let’s view duplication as the ‘structure’ to attach our individual skills, values, personalities, strengths, connections, networks to. A structure that supports, advises and facilitates so that people can take what they need, move at the speed that works for them and duplicate the commitment, stability and success that comes with that… And the thing is, by keeping to your values, success is just as likely, if not more so than some of those you read about or see. Unfortunately there is a lot of misleading hype in Network Marketing. But I believe that there is a huge market (and a far more sustainable one) for the non-hype approach to network marketing – there are lots of people who will be very relieved that they can get involved and be themselves. This builds confidence and people buy people… just my thoughts … What are yours?

Michelle Turner-Davidson is a speaker, trainer and mentor specialising in developing people and teams and taking the fear, hype and struggle out of network marketing. 

To find out how Michelle can help you, or if anything in this article resonates with you, do get in touch. You can fill out the comments below, email her at michelle@laterthanyouthink.co.uk or connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter @MichTD,  Facebook  or check out the rest of this website MichelleTurnerDavidson.com 

Why do we support celebrities, people we don’t know, but not our friends and family… ?

Why do we support celebrities, people we don’t know, but not our friends and family… ?

Many thanks to Sarah Robbins for the photo. This spurred me on to a Sunday thought about a phenomena I’m  very familiar with…

It’s so easy to spend energy, time and money supporting celebrities… people we don’t know. Yet for some reason many of us struggle or even avoid doing the same for people we know, and love, who are working hard to build a life and a future… Why is that?

It is often our family and friends who are the least supportive… they say it’s because they don’t want us to make a mistake, or they are worried for us, or they just want to make sure we are doing the right thing… Sometimes it’s not overt, they just poopoo our ideas, question the legitimacy of our product, service or sector. Use words they don’t even understand, like pyramid selling. All in the name of ‘protecting you’.

The reality is they aren’t really concerned about you! Even though they may not realise it themselves. They are concerned about what your success will say about them… because they weren’t prepared to do what you are doing…because they weren’t prepared to make the sacrifices you have had to, or put the hours in that you do or step way out of their comfort zone, as you have done. By holding you back it keeps them from having to confront that not only do you deserve every success you achieve, it was absolutely down to you. And THEY could have done that too.

If you are not being supported by the people around you  remember, it says much more about them, your friends and family,  than it does about you!! Surround yourself with people who support you and support those around you back. You aren’t responsible for other people’s insecurities.

You don’t have to disown unsupportive friends and family. But you can choose not to engage with them about business matters or enter into discussions.

Once you understand why the people who you believed would ‘should’ be the most supportive, aren’t, let go of their opinions. Waste no more time or energy on them when it comes to building your business . Waste no time trying to convince them or change their minds.

Go forth and build your business and your success. Focus all of your energy there.

When you keep going, some of your closest friends and family will grow to support you, in their own time and in their own way.  However, some will never change. That’s not your problem…

Michelle Turner-Davidson is a speaker, trainer and mentor specialising in developing people and teams and taking the fear, hype and struggle out of network marketing. 

To find out how Michelle can help you, or if anything in this article resonates with you, do get in touch. You can fill out the comments below, email her at michelle@laterthanyouthink.co.uk or connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter @MichTD,  Facebook  or check out the rest of this website MichelleTurnerDavidson.com